pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
