bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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