Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
