if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize