you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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