I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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