He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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