look no pants
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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