Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
