I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
