I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
