Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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