On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize