I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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