You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
