Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
