I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
