You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I want a musical about memes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
