any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
