Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Drunk is not a location!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
