Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
