nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
