whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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