Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
