I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
