"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
