I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
