I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
