I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
