In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
