I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
