I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
