I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He kissed a someone with a penis
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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