If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize