We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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