She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
