You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw a hot homeless man
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
