is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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