god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
