i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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