...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize