Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
