I can text with my tongue
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
