i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
