We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
