Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
