I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
