Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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