so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
