my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
