Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
