i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
