what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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