hell yes lets make some ravioli
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't turn off my feet"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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