so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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