I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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