john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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