i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
