I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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