Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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