New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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