i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
