I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
