her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
