so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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