but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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