there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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