Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
