You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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