just tell him i said nine months
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
